lets talk Social Skills.

I see my next post took a while. I guess my mind needed to go through major decluttering as my heart did some healing (yes, no matter how tough-looking, i get heartbroken too :c )

Besides that, these are what i have been busy with in the past month.

Photo Courtesy of Outbreak Manila Facebook Page

Ryan and I getting ready to run for our lives. Outbreak Manila in Nuvali.

Mek and I in the National Geographic Earth Day Run. We actually finished it! Hooray!

night swimming (lots and lots of it, i wish)

my usual routine of biking and playing frisbee with the handsomes

target shooting

arcade. love boat.

tree climbing in the province

just fooling around the hospital

Phew, it sure was a busy first summer month. (fine, if you actually do truly know me, you’d know this is my normal)

Sooo anyway, this blog got me really hyped up. There was just overflowing support from family and friends that i truly am thankful for. I had numerous brilliant ideas of topics to write about with no idea how to start. But then i guess, that’s precisely it – not having any idea of what to do but still ending up doing it. 
Because you know that you can not remain not doing anything. 
Because you feel so strongly about something. 
Because you love.

You see, I started this what I’d like to call Social Skills Therapy for my brother in the past month.

Social skills? What the hell, right?

To put it really simple, I’d say its basically being normal - the opposite of being weird. This does not necessarily dictate though that we should all be the same or lose our individuality, it’s really more knowing how to act and carry yourself in front of other people. From something as simple as looking at someone’s eyes when talking, to something a little more complex like not staring at anyone’s eyes when inside an elevator. Don’t get me wrong, im not against being unique and true to one’s self. I just believe that we have to conform up to a certain extent to maintain harmony and peace. Well, generally, social skills aren’t directly taught to us – well, at least not traditionally inside a classroom. Yet we do learn them or it could be that we have them all along.

You laugh at me 'cos I am different. I laugh at you 'cos you're all the same. 

This isn’t the case of individuals with Asperger’s Syndrome though. They have deficits in social skills. My brother for example can talk about topics that he’s interested in like the Arcade game, Technika or Krispy Kreme doughnuts for hours and never realize that the person he’s talking to is not interested. Also, when he talks about these, he does not realize that you do not have the knowledge that he has about it. He assumes that whatever it is that he knows, you do too and however he sees things is the way you see it as well. Very classic of a child with the condition. He initially didn’t get what being weird is. I remember how every time i tried to talk to him about how my day went, he’d change the topic to his interest after my first sentence. This might appear rude to most of you, but trust me, in Cedric’s and other kids with AS’ case, they just lack some skills. I never really took it against him and i hope none of you do as well.

I remember a great mentor from whom I have learned and gotten so much inspiration from, Teacher Dos de Jesus. She once shared how Cedric seemed to see his problems. He did not know how to differentiate big and small ones. His reaction to something small, like losing a pen is similar to something big, like getting suspended from school. He’d react in rage and would often shout in dismay. Unlike us, who didn’t have to be taught reactions like this, he had to. I remember teaching him that a problem is only big when it involves his health and safety. Everything else must be small or something that can be solved or settled.

I barely know what to do for his Social Skills Therapy but i knew i had to start somewhere, somehow. And if not now, when? I started reading books on anger and anxiety management. Michelle Winner’s books on social thinking and perspective taking skills helped a lot as well. Yet it was Jed Baker’s Social Skills Training that really gave me a push. It was very do-able. There was a checklist that has to be filled in the beginning to recognize which specific social skills would be addressed.

Social Skills Training by Jed E. Baker, Ph.D.

Among the many, tone of voice, how and when to interrupt, and staying on a topic were the first that we worked on. It was especially fun ‘cos I got my other siblings, Mek and Cassy to join us. Besides discussing ground rules, we talked about topics that interest us and acted out voices based on different emotions and situations. We even recorded it so we could listen to ourselves. I think it was important that we all enjoyed what we do so I made use of games for us to play. I was vigilant of how they would stay on topics and interrupt conversations. I’d remind them how to if it was done inappropriately and praise them whenever they did well. In the successive sessions, i made use of a diagram for them to be aware of the tone of their voices when they speak. It was also important that I follow up outside sessions. I’d continually praise them when I see them applying what they learned.

the marker points to the speaker's tone of voice so they'd be aware if there is a need to adjust

got answers from them and wrote it down

How and When to Interrupt

I was nervous the whole time. I was apprehensive to start something like this with Cedric as I felt I might not be equipped enough. Yet being with him, seeing his difficulties in coping and making friends for example made me feel like i cant not do anything for him. i knew i just had to. Luckily, we've had three sessions (once a week for an hour per session) and things have been working quite well. I’m glad to say I’m learning from it session by session but more importantly, I’d like to believe that this is something that we would all benefit from. And though I know that it is still too early to actually see concrete results, going through all these makes me feel at peace and continuously hopeful.

For now, my siblings’ roaring laughter is enough to keep me going. And oh, did i mention Cassy goes “Dichi, do we really have to do this every Wednesday only?? Can't it be everyday??” That sweetheart. <3

Mek, Ced and Cassy <3