Its always on my way home, whether driving, in a shuttle or
the LRT, that I get to think of how my day went. And usually, its when its
traffic that my thoughts extend to my life. 19 out of the 24 years of my
existence have been meaningful because of you. If there’s anything in my life
right now that I am most proud of, its constantly doing my best to be a good
sister to you – to give you the life that I believe you deserve.
And no, I don’t think I’m even close to that. It’s been
tough, there’s still a long way to go and im not even sure if I’ll ever get
there. But I promise you one thing – that I will never give up.
I wish I didn’t kick the Lego blocks that you used to line
up as a kid so you didn’t have to scream and cry so bad. I wish I didn’t make
fun of how you were stimming. I wish I didn’t think you were just acting up
when 2 adults had to hold you down whenever you get a haircut. I wish I was
never ashamed of you back in High School when you’d drop by to call me ‘cos
Papa’s already there to pick us up. I wish I have learned everything that I knew
about Autism now 19 years ago. Things might have been different. I wish I
understood all along.
But I will never stop trying.. to understand you.. to learn
from and for you.. to make people realize what you and individuals with Autism
are about. That beyond the tantrums, there is a gift to discover. A gift that
no amount of pain, guilt and discrimination could keep us from feeling blessed
for.
I guess more often than not, people fail to see what you have done for me. I would not even be half of the person that I am now if not because of you. Thank
you for being so supportive of me, for caring even when I never asked you to,
and for trying so hard to understand.Thank you Ced for being my inspiration, for even the littlest things, for everything.
Happy Birthday Ced. I will always be by your side.
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